Friday, December 2, 2011

it's friday.

shooot, my blog is boring. sorry folks. but let's get real here, blogging takes time and concentration and that's just something that's lacking in my life after a full day of classes (and the other things i waste my time on).

i'm glad this week is behind me. and i am even more glad for this upcoming week. why, you ask? because i have the chance to wake up tomorrow and start over. i can make better decisions. i can work harder. i can be nicer. i can drink more water. i can eat less cookies. i can spend my time on the things that really matter. i can do my best.

i've learned a lot this semester. i can assess people on the street. i inject insulin like a pro. and don't even get me started on the awesomeness of my bed making technique. but most of all, i've learned just how different we all are. nursing school is whole hodgepodge of people from every different walk of life. some people have more experience than others. some people never have to study. some people have to go home and feed their kids and put them to bed before they can even start thinking about homework. some people need more sleep. everyone is different. i can't compare myself to anyone. oh but comparison is such a slippery slope. sometimes i trick myself into believing that some sort of motivation will come from seeing what others are doing to get ahead. but i know myself better now. i know that i have to be my biggest cheerleader. i have to motivate myself. i have to want this, no one else can want it for me.

today i caught myself brushing aside the fact that i made my first A on a nursing school exam because i had failed my final check-off earlier in the week. i was so quick to cancel out the good in my life with just one disappointing experience. luckily, i get a chance to do that check-off again. and actually failing was quite a humbling experience for me. my teacher, that i complained about all semester, gave me an extra try to get it right because she cared. she wanted me to pass so bad. and it showed when she spent more than fifteen minutes explaining to me what i did wrong and practicing with me.

today i caught myself missing denton when the shelter at my old church emailed to ask if i'd me able to wash all their blankets and sheets again this year. i immediately thought about how things used to be. especially how easy things were for me. just starting to study for a test the night before you take it and making an A most of the time is not real life.

i'm glad things aren't that easy anymore. granted, my life is easy. and i am blessed with more than i could ever imagine, need, and want. this week was a glimpse of real life. things don't always go the way we plan. almost never. but those unexpected turns make us stronger, they make us want it even more, they make us fight. and most of all, those unexpected turns, show us again and again how much we have to trust Him. with everything.

"each of us has fear. in fact, if you want to find fear, follow the trail of restlessness, worry, and anxiety. what do you worry about? where is your anxiety? when do you get restless? underneath those ordinary emotions is fear - and where there is fear there is God waiting for us to trust him. 1st John 4:18 reminds us that 'perfect love casts out all fear.' you are chosen, you are important to God. and, He is love - perfect love. no matter what's going on in your life right now, the antidote for fear is not courage, but trust."

from one of my favorite books

1 friskies:

Caitlin said...

good luck today, allie! i know you can do this!!!